On the weekend my eldest son and I went camping in a tent (in his room - hey, it’s winter). It was great fun!
We spent all week planning this camping “expedition” together. When the day came, he was so excited. On the way back from a friends place, we reminded him that daddy and him were going to have a sleep over in the tent. He told me that no, he wanted mummy to sleep in the tent with him. I said but daddy and you made the tent so we could sleep in it together, it is a special daddy and son time, but again he told me no.
At this point, most of us give up or give in. But I think, for our kids, this can mean two things: Firstly, they may be testing us to see if we value them and want to spend time with them. And secondly, they are looking for validation, they are wanting us to fight for them.
On this occasion as I was about to do what most of us would, and give in, my wife reminded me to fight for him. To fight to show him how much I love and care for him, and truly show him how much he is valued. And i did, and the outcome was that we stayed up, talked, played games, and had a great night sleeping in the homemade tent.
So remember that in those times where your kids are saying they don’t want to spend that time with you especially in their early years, fight for them and your right to spend time with them. Fight for your right to be a part of their lives, as this will pay off in the long run.
So often when we try to spend time with our kids we end up doing something that’s convenient for us. It usually involves doing chores, or something that we need to get done on our list of things.
Today I want to encourage you instead of spending time with your kids doing your chores, you need to do take the time out to be engaged and do something they want to do. Yes I can hear a lot of you saying ‘but the chores won’t wait’ - I am not asking you to take hours out of your day.
What I am talking about is making the shift from spending hours and hours with my children (also known as quantity time) to actually being fully engaged with them and their interests, but for a shorter period (known as quality time).
Why is this quality time important? Below are a couple quick of reasons.
When we take the time out to actually spend quality time with our kids, they learn that they are valued and that you will actually set aside time for just them as you are engaged only on them. The reward for you is that you will find that your kids are likely to either leave you alone when you are doing your chores, because they know that you will spend quality time with them later. Or, and let’s be slightly optimistic here, the other outcome is that they may end up helping you with your chores because they want to spend time with you and understand that you have taken time out to be interested in what they are doing so they’ll want to be involved in what you are doing.
This week when your kids ask you to come and do something with them instead of going with that first instinct of no, take the time out to spend with them. If you can’t do it then and there that is ok, so long as you actually make a time with them. If you say ‘I will be with you in 5 minutes’ - stick to it as they are watching and learning from everything we do.
After all quality is better than quantity
One of the things my son has taught me is that I have what it takes, or as he likes to say: “you can do it, daddy”.
I think sometimes as fathers we can get stuck on the ‘that’s the wife’s job - I can’t do that, I wouldn’t be as good at that as she would’ mentality.
When you are looking after your kids, giving your wife that time off she so richly deserves, and you are thinking ‘I can’t do this’ - well, you’re wrong, you *can*! We were made for this.
We might not do it the way she does, we may not even get the kids to bed on time, but we have to understand that it is ok to do it in our way. We aren’t meant to be our wives. We are meant to be fathers, we bring different things to our kids’ lives to our wives.
So when you are with your kids and thinking I can’t handle this, I want to encourage you that you are more than capable of doing whatever you need to do. You are a great father and have what it takes to achieve what ever it is in front of you.
What does it take to be a father’s father? What does this look like, being a father to fathers?
What I believe is that it involves showing fathers how to be good honouring men and to be great fathers. We as men need to step up to the plate and teach our kids about being fathers - we need to be resolute in this. The other thing I believe is that to be a fathers father, you need 1 or more men in your life who are ahead of you, men that are going to be there to challenge you in your journey, to keep you on the right path, so you can show the right way to others.
Having someone in front of you, leading the way is something that I have only just become aware of myself. At times I think we can get so caught up in being a great macho man that we are afraid to take or ask for advice. I believe that if we are to be a father’s father then we need to put our pride aside and ask for help. We need to show the next generation that we can ask for help, that we are willing to put into them and that we are also willing to teach them.
Who is building life into you and, in turn, who are you building life into?
Often in life we just do ‘normal’. We take the easy road - we just sit back and let life happen. We can easily get caught up doing this raising our kids, getting stuck in the mundane circles of life, the ‘I’m tired and just come home from work’. We can at times be more childish in our reasoning than our kids!
But what if we stepped up to the plate, and took the time out to raise our children? What would the next generation look like?
As fathers it is our duty to be just that: fathers. Fathers who teach our kids, love our kids, and are always present for them, even when we don’t feel up to it. So can I encourage you this week to step up to the plate and get ready to hit a few balls? You’ll hit them clear out of the park in your kids eyes, just by being present.
3 short thoughts on fatherhood:
Fatherhood is one of the greatest gifts we can receive.
Fatherhood is one of the greatest responsibilities we have ever been given
Fatherhood is the greatest and most rewarding jobs we could ever have.
What do you think?
Today I want to look at what it is that holds us back from becoming better decision makers.
How often do we actually just make a confident, strong decision? What it that holds us back? Why do we feel as though we don’t have the confidence or authority to make good decisions? I believe that we are indecisive for a couple of reasons: lack of confidence, and fear of making mistakes. We need to realise that taking risks and failing is a good thing, because we learn from it. Yes it will hurt, but if we get back up and dust ourselves off we will soon realise that it wasn’t that bad.
In school we are brainwashed: don’t make mistakes, you should aim for 100%. However this is actually crippling to us – far better to make a mistake every now and then and commit to learning something from them. Not only do we become better people but we are more likely to make stronger decisions, take greater risks, and reap greater rewards.
So this week when you are sitting on the fence about a decision, take the risk. What is the worst that can happen - you make a mistake? As long as you learn something from it you can count it as a WIN, after all nothing learned nothing gained, a mistake is never the end of the world.
Have you ever watched your kids sleep? They are so peaceful. Have you ever noticed that even when playing they can be that way too?
This past weekend we were talking with some friends of ours about getting to a place of rest. I am the worst at this - always trying to be busy, trying to ensure I am doing something, achieving something, being something.
On this past sunday, we had a full day ahead of us: got up, went to church, then went out for the day. We went on an adventure (that is how we sold it to my son) - we went to my wife’s work. Now I was not overly excited about going, I had my list of things to do, but my wife really wanted me to go out with her. In the back of my mind I was thinking ‘great, i have to go and do xyz with you, and my list is just getting longer and longer…’
I had two choices to make I could rest and enjoy time with the family or I could be a typical male (in my opinion) and throw a hissy fit that I wasn’t getting my way. At the beginning of the day I took the high road - we enjoyed church, enjoyed the trip out there, all was going well. But then like a wave on came the hissy fit - I was a cranky pants.
It wasn’t until my loving and caring wife pointed out to me that I was ruining the day for everyone else, that I realised something had to change, I had to stop being a child and grow up, so in the way back from the shops and lunch to our adventure I decided to be like my children and become restful. So I closed my eyes and sought a happy and safe place, I rested, I stopped thinking stopped worrying and just rested. Which was great, we got to the place where our adventure was to begin and instead of being a grumpy pants, I chose to have fun with my kids. It came from a place of rest, in the end we had a good time, we walked, talked, threw sticks into the water and just had fun.
So can I encourage you this week, when you are tense or feel like you don’t really have the patience for your kids, stop take some time out and go to your place of rest. Not just for yourself but for your kids, you will learn something about yourself whilst you are there, but you will also be a better and more responsive parent for it.
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you need to send out an SOS?
I don’t mean drifting on a life raft in the middle of nowhere. I mean those times in your life where everything hits the fan, and it just doesn’t seem like you are ever going to get to your life’s promised land. It’s those times that you feel as though you just aren’t going to make it.
I am sure we all go through these times. In these situations what do you do? Do you look for a life boat, do you reach out your hand for help? Or do you flinch - pull away, run in the other direction, and hide away from the world? Can I encourage you to reach out your hand for help, and let a friend pull you up.
Do you know who your support personnel are, for the time that you need them?
This week can I encourage you to put your hand out and help pull someone out of their situation. Be there to support a friend, give someone an encouraging word. You never know, that word might be just what they need to pull them up.
I want to send a quick public thanks out to the guy who helps me with the editing and posting of my blogs, I am not a techy person and couldn’t do this without him.
He is a great man, one that is always full of encouragement, who continually pushes me to do better with my blogging and also keeps me on track and keeps these things flowing out into the blogosphere.
Thanks again Mate, you truly are one of a kind and a great help, and these blogs wouldn’t happen without you.
